is too much of a good thing a bad thing?
i never knew alone time could be so divine..
loungin'
The New PostSecret Book
9 years ago
1.31.2010
1.26.2010
for the love of pug..
once a pug owner, always a pug lover. i just had to share these fotos. found it on a Do It Yourself snow-hat blog.
1.25.2010
TS.
i LOVE taylor swift. she makes me want to go out and 'swiftly' get that darn guitar i pass by every day.
1.24.2010
brain bomb
been working all day
and all night
can't get my work
out of my sight.
i need a break
haven't seen sunlight
a stroll would be great
but it's way past midnight.
would love some fresh air
hand in hand with my man
except his ETA is unknown
i am not the chinese government's fan.
i have a brain bomb
implosions abound
my neurons have melted
the firings make no sound.
and all night
can't get my work
out of my sight.
i need a break
haven't seen sunlight
a stroll would be great
but it's way past midnight.
would love some fresh air
hand in hand with my man
except his ETA is unknown
i am not the chinese government's fan.
i have a brain bomb
implosions abound
my neurons have melted
the firings make no sound.
1.20.2010
the niece.
marissa. she can sit without support now. gosh, i can't wait to meet her. i think there are triplets in that house. she looks exactly like her bro and dad.you're cute
we haven't met
once i see your smile
i know it i will never forget.
your cheeks are like bubbles
clouds in the sky
may you never stop growing
and asking why.
it's a crazy world
but someone's got to live in it
but you will always be loved
this don't you forget.
someday we will meet
and you'll wonder who i am
but the moment you were born
was when my love for you began.
1.19.2010
Lost and unfound.
this weekend absolutely sucked. SUCKED.
it happened to be dkf and my 2 year anniversary. i went shopping at Qi Pu Lu with jingjing, milan and her bf, hoping to get a new coat, socks, scarves, shoes, whatever made me want to empty my wallet. this shopping area is notorious for pickpockets. since it's approaching chinese new year, thieves are out collecting money for their trips home. milan warned me in the morning about the pickpockets on this road. i paid heed but not enough heed.
pineapple sticks. jingjing wanted a second one but ran out of small bills. so i whipped out my wallet, got 3 rmb from the coin pocket and put the wallet back in my purse. we were busy enjoying our pineapple sticks, and daydreaming of ethan hawke in Before Sunrise and Before Sunset. i am the most unobservant and non paranoid person in the world. it wasn't until we were paying for dinner hours later (after gabbing about ethan hawke still) that i reached in my purse and could not find my wallet. i knew i had been robbed and it was when we were by the pineapple stand. i was mega-pissed because i had my social security card in there (don't ask me why), my CA driver's license (again, don't ask me why), 2 credit cards, SH library card (which is worth ALOT), my student ID (which i still use for student discounts), good luck pendants and cards my grandma and mom gave me, my Enjoy card, and tons of cash (i was out shopping, after all). i really just wanted my SS card back the most. i wanted to both cry and choke the living daylights out of the thief. i mostly wanted to choke myself. how could i not be more paranoid, not be more observant, not make sure my purse was in front of me, not notice the pickpocket? i was warned for god sake! it was Qi Pu Lu!! we tried to call the police dept who was sorta useless then went home where i proceeded to call buy.com to cancel and reissue another card, bank of china, and did research on what to do if your SS card is stolen and how to replace it. apparently there's nothing u can do. you can open up a credit line with the SSN and my name. it's out there, circulating in this godforsaken city. i am just grateful there was no account activity on either credit cards. jingjing and i decided to post up reward ads. she wrote it in chinese for me, offering 1000rmb (alot for a poor thief), and asking for help in finding a wallet I had lost (not stolen) with important cards in it. she went back the next morning, and since she could not post posters anywhere, talked to the pineapple vendor, illegally posted up one poster, and alerted the street sweepers who would announce it. it's been 2 days. no word. people tell me it is likely the thief just wanted cash, and probably threw it away after taking that. and even if they found my SS card, they would not be sophisticated enough to know what it is and apply for a new credit line. i am hoping the thief was greedy enough to keep the fairly nice wallet, look thru the cards to see what else he/she could use or sell, but still keep it and then see the ad the next morning and think, hey, i could get more money! but they may be scared of repercussions, like me calling the cops. likely, they just threw the thing away.
it happens to all of us. we all get robbed one way or another. i am so freakin bummed. not to mention the hassle of...everything.
it can only get better.
it happened to be dkf and my 2 year anniversary. i went shopping at Qi Pu Lu with jingjing, milan and her bf, hoping to get a new coat, socks, scarves, shoes, whatever made me want to empty my wallet. this shopping area is notorious for pickpockets. since it's approaching chinese new year, thieves are out collecting money for their trips home. milan warned me in the morning about the pickpockets on this road. i paid heed but not enough heed.
pineapple sticks. jingjing wanted a second one but ran out of small bills. so i whipped out my wallet, got 3 rmb from the coin pocket and put the wallet back in my purse. we were busy enjoying our pineapple sticks, and daydreaming of ethan hawke in Before Sunrise and Before Sunset. i am the most unobservant and non paranoid person in the world. it wasn't until we were paying for dinner hours later (after gabbing about ethan hawke still) that i reached in my purse and could not find my wallet. i knew i had been robbed and it was when we were by the pineapple stand. i was mega-pissed because i had my social security card in there (don't ask me why), my CA driver's license (again, don't ask me why), 2 credit cards, SH library card (which is worth ALOT), my student ID (which i still use for student discounts), good luck pendants and cards my grandma and mom gave me, my Enjoy card, and tons of cash (i was out shopping, after all). i really just wanted my SS card back the most. i wanted to both cry and choke the living daylights out of the thief. i mostly wanted to choke myself. how could i not be more paranoid, not be more observant, not make sure my purse was in front of me, not notice the pickpocket? i was warned for god sake! it was Qi Pu Lu!! we tried to call the police dept who was sorta useless then went home where i proceeded to call buy.com to cancel and reissue another card, bank of china, and did research on what to do if your SS card is stolen and how to replace it. apparently there's nothing u can do. you can open up a credit line with the SSN and my name. it's out there, circulating in this godforsaken city. i am just grateful there was no account activity on either credit cards. jingjing and i decided to post up reward ads. she wrote it in chinese for me, offering 1000rmb (alot for a poor thief), and asking for help in finding a wallet I had lost (not stolen) with important cards in it. she went back the next morning, and since she could not post posters anywhere, talked to the pineapple vendor, illegally posted up one poster, and alerted the street sweepers who would announce it. it's been 2 days. no word. people tell me it is likely the thief just wanted cash, and probably threw it away after taking that. and even if they found my SS card, they would not be sophisticated enough to know what it is and apply for a new credit line. i am hoping the thief was greedy enough to keep the fairly nice wallet, look thru the cards to see what else he/she could use or sell, but still keep it and then see the ad the next morning and think, hey, i could get more money! but they may be scared of repercussions, like me calling the cops. likely, they just threw the thing away.
it happens to all of us. we all get robbed one way or another. i am so freakin bummed. not to mention the hassle of...everything.
it can only get better.
1.18.2010
The Tails of Once Stray Cats.
all species need love.
big or small.
black or white.
furry or hypoallergenic.
this weekend, i spent the morning giving love to furry orphan kitties. some were scratchy, some were shy, some were loving, some were scared, some were healthy, some were lucky to be alive. but all were worth loving. i haven't really been around cats in my life, mostly because growing up we mostly had aquarium animals like fish and turtles. in high school, we got Lucky from the OC Shelter and had dogs for the first time. the first pug entered my life in graduate school and that's when i knew i would be a dog person for life. when i was living with dkf back home, he inherited his sister's cat, who i named Penelope. she was one of the coolest cats i had ever known, and one of the few. she's the first cat that made me begin to appreciate the idiosyncrasies and doglike-ness of cats.
we took a 45 minute van ride out to Bao Shan, on the outskirts of shanghai on sunday morning. when we got there, we entered a shack house in the middle of the countryside, right behind a military facility. there we encountered 4-5 stray dogs that were taken in by the owners but were originally strung out to die, said the owners. i was sad that we were not able to play with them b/c most did not seem socialized. there were 2 pekingnese and some larger dogs. then we entered the cat area. there were at least 100 cats there, we were told. the man who lived there began taking in cats but could not resist taking in more and more of them. so he ended up with a patio, 3 rooms and a loft full of cats. many were so dirty, a contrast to the neat freak nature of cats. most had colds and were sneezing the whole time, with snot on their noses. they loved to bask in the sun, their eyes closed, their bodies sprawled out, smiling. it was so adorable. many crawled up on people's laps and looked right at home. some scratched me when i tried to pet them or groom them or just wanted to sharpen their claws. some ran away as i approached. they came in all different shapes and sizes and species and had different faces. they each had their own character. if each cat could tell his/her story, what an interesting book that would make..The Tails of Once Stray Cats. oh but it smelled so awful there. their blankets and beds were soiled and reeked of feces and cat spray. the floors and walls were drenched with urine and cat spray. there were feces scattered. throw up here and there. some cats had such rotten teeth, there was yellow puss foaming out of their mouths. some cats had worms that covered up their poopholes. but they had such amazing eyes. one had a blue and green eye. and my favorite cat cuz he's my hero..a cat with nerve damage that would walk a little bit in a crooked path then fall over and do it all over again. he was such a trooper! SCAA, Second Chance Animal Aid, actually pays for the medical bills, provides food, and toys and supplies to these cats. they have different projects in the area. It is a private, non-profit organization committed to protecting and improving the health and welfare of companion animals through education, health care, advocacy, outreach, adoption and the promotion of foster care as an alternative approach to traditional shelters. We believe it is the right of every companion animal to have a safe, healthy life in a loving home. read more about SCAA.
the owners are amazing too. one man and one woman lived there. they had no hot water. only his room has heat. it was freezing there too. the woman spent the entire time handwashing the dirty blankets and linens because their washer was too small. you do not know what true cold is until you have washed your hand in cold shanghai water. it literally throbs and is very painful. and to think, she does laundry all day with her bare hands, which looked weathered and red. SCAA is now fundraising to purchase an industrial size washer so they can wash the blankets more readily. there were too many to count and all so dirty. bless their hearts for taking in these animals that would have died otherwise. although they don't get much human contact besides volunteer visits, at least they have a home and the company of so many brothers and sisters.
thank you kitties for touching my life. i hope i touched yours too, even for a second. you will stay in my heart. i hope to see you next time.
big or small.
black or white.
furry or hypoallergenic.
this weekend, i spent the morning giving love to furry orphan kitties. some were scratchy, some were shy, some were loving, some were scared, some were healthy, some were lucky to be alive. but all were worth loving. i haven't really been around cats in my life, mostly because growing up we mostly had aquarium animals like fish and turtles. in high school, we got Lucky from the OC Shelter and had dogs for the first time. the first pug entered my life in graduate school and that's when i knew i would be a dog person for life. when i was living with dkf back home, he inherited his sister's cat, who i named Penelope. she was one of the coolest cats i had ever known, and one of the few. she's the first cat that made me begin to appreciate the idiosyncrasies and doglike-ness of cats.
we took a 45 minute van ride out to Bao Shan, on the outskirts of shanghai on sunday morning. when we got there, we entered a shack house in the middle of the countryside, right behind a military facility. there we encountered 4-5 stray dogs that were taken in by the owners but were originally strung out to die, said the owners. i was sad that we were not able to play with them b/c most did not seem socialized. there were 2 pekingnese and some larger dogs. then we entered the cat area. there were at least 100 cats there, we were told. the man who lived there began taking in cats but could not resist taking in more and more of them. so he ended up with a patio, 3 rooms and a loft full of cats. many were so dirty, a contrast to the neat freak nature of cats. most had colds and were sneezing the whole time, with snot on their noses. they loved to bask in the sun, their eyes closed, their bodies sprawled out, smiling. it was so adorable. many crawled up on people's laps and looked right at home. some scratched me when i tried to pet them or groom them or just wanted to sharpen their claws. some ran away as i approached. they came in all different shapes and sizes and species and had different faces. they each had their own character. if each cat could tell his/her story, what an interesting book that would make..The Tails of Once Stray Cats. oh but it smelled so awful there. their blankets and beds were soiled and reeked of feces and cat spray. the floors and walls were drenched with urine and cat spray. there were feces scattered. throw up here and there. some cats had such rotten teeth, there was yellow puss foaming out of their mouths. some cats had worms that covered up their poopholes. but they had such amazing eyes. one had a blue and green eye. and my favorite cat cuz he's my hero..a cat with nerve damage that would walk a little bit in a crooked path then fall over and do it all over again. he was such a trooper! SCAA, Second Chance Animal Aid, actually pays for the medical bills, provides food, and toys and supplies to these cats. they have different projects in the area. It is a private, non-profit organization committed to protecting and improving the health and welfare of companion animals through education, health care, advocacy, outreach, adoption and the promotion of foster care as an alternative approach to traditional shelters. We believe it is the right of every companion animal to have a safe, healthy life in a loving home. read more about SCAA.
the owners are amazing too. one man and one woman lived there. they had no hot water. only his room has heat. it was freezing there too. the woman spent the entire time handwashing the dirty blankets and linens because their washer was too small. you do not know what true cold is until you have washed your hand in cold shanghai water. it literally throbs and is very painful. and to think, she does laundry all day with her bare hands, which looked weathered and red. SCAA is now fundraising to purchase an industrial size washer so they can wash the blankets more readily. there were too many to count and all so dirty. bless their hearts for taking in these animals that would have died otherwise. although they don't get much human contact besides volunteer visits, at least they have a home and the company of so many brothers and sisters.
thank you kitties for touching my life. i hope i touched yours too, even for a second. you will stay in my heart. i hope to see you next time.
1.16.2010
random thoughts.
so i'm starting a new blahg called Dietry, which will be a diary for my diet. i wanna start keeping track of what i eat and how much i eat for each meal, how much water i drink, and how much exercise i am getting. plus i wanna keep track of the other "end" of things, if u catch my drift.
why do people stare and stare when they see a chinese ayi with a white or half white baby, as if by staring long and hard enough, the baby will turn chinese and it will make more sense?
i was having dinner with my language partner and we were conversing in english. the waiter comes up and asks if one of us is not chinese. sarah points to me and says i'm american. the waiter asks, is she japanese or korean? i say in chinese, "i'm actually chinese-american." then he says in english, "nice to meet you."
ok, i now say goodnight to planet earth.
why do people stare and stare when they see a chinese ayi with a white or half white baby, as if by staring long and hard enough, the baby will turn chinese and it will make more sense?
i was having dinner with my language partner and we were conversing in english. the waiter comes up and asks if one of us is not chinese. sarah points to me and says i'm american. the waiter asks, is she japanese or korean? i say in chinese, "i'm actually chinese-american." then he says in english, "nice to meet you."
ok, i now say goodnight to planet earth.
2 years at 2am.
in case you can't read it, it says, "you leave fingerprints..on my heart."this will be the 2nd year in a row that dkf and I will be spending our anniversary apart. in fact, we have yet to spend a single one together! it was a tough year for the two of us but i am super-jazzed and grateful that we have spent 2 years of our lives together as boyfriend-girlfriend. here's to many more. and here are some drawings i did as an anniversary gift. love you baby. can't wait til you come home.
1.14.2010
kids say the darndest things
i got burgers in my nose!
your hair is broken! (referring to my short bangs)
read, please! (impatient as i was just staring at the cool pictures in her storybook)
kitty starts with a C of course.
some of chloe-speak. i think some of this was just my imagination too!
It's Chloe time!
my milky's coming!
cowin' around
frog stance
snake!
snaking around with nana!
the snake takes a bite outta nana!
squirmy little snake
beware of the snake!
froggie!
pretty pink tea set. oolong, anyone?
skippity do dah
striking a moveI had the privilege to spend some girl time with Miss Chloe, a Chinese/American princess rock star! Not only was she the cutest little 3 y.o. wasian with the biggest persuasion in all of Shanghai, she was a rock star and dancer, could impersonate any animal, could do the tummy roll bellydance, knew all her letters and numbers and could count to 30, and could get herself into her nighties all by herself! I nearly ate her too but really just wanted to take her home. Most importantly, she made me all broody all over again!
Operation: broody
so i'm told by my british friend i now fall in the classification of the following:broody (Adjective)
- (Of birds) sitting persistently and protectively on a nest, in order to hatch eggs (eg, 'a broody hen').
- (Of any creature or person) acting interested in raising young.
Synonyms
- (sitting on a nest to hatch eggs): clucky
- interested in raising young): baby rabies, one's biological clock is ticking
I am sure it has something to do with me oogling over baby hannah mae yesterday with every expression she made and did not make. i'm about to get another dose of it tonight with chloe, a 3 y.o. born on the same day as my sister.
One question, Baby rabies??
1.12.2010
when i grow up...
i want to be an eternal expatriate, globetrot with my soulmate and brilliant kids around the world, immerse in different cultures, open our big minds, speak different tongues, gobble down different cuisines, have a new returning address every few years, write blogs about our adventures and indulge in our wanderlust. forever and ever.
1.11.2010
Avatar.
i dream of turning blue, with sparkles on my face and large hazel eyes, wielding Tarzan acrobatics, synchronizing perfectly with nature, living among other beautiful beasts, becoming one with the tree of life, and transforming into something that will forever let me be with my one true love. so romantic.what would i choose to be my avatar?
JZ Club
i went to my first live jazz club in shanghai last night, called JZ Club. i really enjoy live music and have wanting to check out the live music scene in SH. the live music was good, the incessant chain smoking and high drink prices was not. in fact, that made us leave eventually. the first band (and i forget the name) played gypsy jazz and featured a lead guitarist who looked like a shaggy French version of Brad Pitt and was the friend of jingjing's friend. the second band was called Big Band (i think) and featured foreign and local musicians and was an entire orchestra. i realized i enjoyed more uppity happy jazz compared to the slow, lethargic, depressing kind. the lead singer of the Lions of Puxi, a reggae band who will be playing next weekend, was also a friend of jingjing's friend and came by our table. he looked like the cop on Dollhouse. or maybe i just think everyone looks like a celebrity i know. or maybe i just want to spot a celebrity so i can be starstruck and get their autographs and show off.
1.10.2010
My 2009 Discovery channel.
Here are some things I discovered on my 2009 Discovery channel (since i didn't have a real one). The most important things you learn aren't from the tube, anyway.
Note: this list increases every time i have a new thought, which is like 3x a day.
1. bittorrent. this seriously rocks. everything at the tips of my fingers. well, almost everything. sorry artists and producers. :P
2. shanghai. this seriously does not rock. i have returned to the original mother land and have learned how much humans can actually ignore their humanity. i could go on about this but basically, this just isn't my cup o' tea. i have surveyed others who love this city about why they love it, thinking i might have overlooked some things somehow. maybe there's a secret, hidden, shanghai jewel somewhere. maybe there's a mystique i missed. regrettably, despite the multi-nationalism and raw and brutal chinese culture, it just about ends there. i came, i saw, and i did not conquer. go genghis khan! at least i got to see a few cool cities in china as well as in neighboring countries. i plan to continue this til i leave, fo sho!
3. me. i learned that i am capable of some evil evil things. i hope to change this forever and ever. i believe i have buddha's blessing. Oh, and Om Mani Padme Hum too.
4. friendships. good friends are hard to make, great ones are even harder. no matter how sociable you are, where you live, or how many different people you meet, finding true friends is damn difficult business.
5. dkf. i have discovered this time and time again but seem to always take it for granted. i have peered into the kindest and most caring spirit, and that is dkf. 2009 taught me that the good spirit of dkf is unfaltering, despite the mishaps we had this year. thank you.
6. children. children are brilliant, creative, innovative, insightful, intelligent, resilient, spirited, and purely amazing. even the ones with disabilities blow my mind, in fact, particularly the ones with disabilities. thank you for renewing my hope for humanity when i look into your eyes and test your IQs.
7. chinese people. i now know that the more i know about my fellow peoples, the less i really do. i realized how much more different we were than similar. we may speak the same language (sometimes) and hail from the same race, but that's about it. thank you for teaching me that. and as much as i would like there will never be a reconciliation on that front. i also understand where my family comes from and why certain beliefs and habits run deep. sadly, i have adopted some of them too. i have also recognized them bred deep within me from before birth. i admire the same traits i detest.
8. ABCs. yah i really do think ABC's are "coo," at least cooler than locals or full on foreigners. we understand what it feels like to not understand. we have one foot out each door and it drives us nuts. we recognize in the local chinese the same traits our parents have but also know that is the source of much misunderstanding and incommensurability. we think we understand chinese culture but we really don't. we think we're american, but americans disagree. we are torn between 2 worlds and that has become our personal world. our parents don't get why we're so american and americans ask us about the weird chinese food we eat. we can't speak perfect chinese no matter how hard we try or how many chinese classes we take or how many years we study abroad in beijing. despite this, local chinese expect us to speak perfect chinese. and when we don't, they think we're stupid or not nationalistic enough or our parents didn't teach us right. we speak perfect english but some people assume we can't truly understand american culture as well as a "real" american does. this is especially the case with my american clients. we feel discriminated against. we are not as exotic as other foreigners but we're not as native as the locals. but we're "coo" and we can spot one another easy. we're like laidback chinese people, decked out in U.S. fashion, hang out with foreign friends, speak our chinese with an easy american twang and miraculous perfect english comes out of our mouths. we know we are caught between a rock and a hard place but we're cool like that and settle in quite nicely. we know our parents wish we could read and write and speak chinese better, and want us to adopt more chinese traditions and teach our children chinese so they can communicate with them and the culture won't be lost. there aren't too many ABC's here in shanghai. i know of 4 others. if their experience is anything like mine, they love it for the same reasons they hate it.
9. my mother. as difficult as she can be, i know she loves me. this i discovered this year...again.
10. chinese food. i thought i loved this stuff, couldn't live without it, no matter who cooked it and where it came from, but i now know i am wrong. i actually don't care much for it anymore. at first i thought i loved chinese food, then after coming here, i realized i only loved my gramma's cooking. :) i sure miss it.
11. relatives. this the year of my taiwanese relatives. beware thy relatives, esp. ones you have not seen in a long long time and assume they miss you as much as you miss them. my dad's side of the family was AWESOME though. it was a bittersweet reunion, discovering my 17 year MIA relatives in taiwan. all in all, i am glad i connected with them again and saw my old childhood/grandpa's home so many years later. it's always neat to see the place where so many baby photographs were taken.
12. international life. it's quite an experience, not having the usual comforts of home. you realize how well you can adapt but also how much you strive to re-create what you were used to at home. you are willing to pay more to get items that merely approximate what you're used to. you are willing to pay more to shop or eat at places that might carry stuff that resembles native goods. but at the end of the day, it isn't home and the stuff will never be the real deal. you learn how much you can tolerate certain things and how after awhile, you don't even notice it anymore. you adopt habits you would never dream of doing back home and dismiss social etiquette that would get you ostracized back home. you pay inflated prices for cheap beer and burgers. you lose your native language fluency including grammar and diction and syntax to acclimate to local english. i realized there were things i could live with, but certain things i could not. and i had to ask others to bring them back to china for me or send dkf back with a long list of must-buy goods. floss, tampons, organic lotions, bras, soap, electronics, Q-tips are just some items i either am US-specific or have a hard time being China-specific about. i would recommend everyone live internationally at least once. it's good to get out of that comfort zone at least once in your life.
13. contractor work. i absolutely love it and will have the hardest time going back to a full time 9-5 job with a boss hanging over my shoulder in an office. in fact, i intend to avoid that again if i can help it. i enjoy working from home, making my own hours, having someone arrange my schedule and do the dirty work, postponing appointments, blocking out my schedule and taking vacation whenever the hell i want, and getting paid for every hour of my time. the best part is making as much money as i would as a full-timer! in addition to the ideal type of work set up, i actually really enjoy what i do. i love working with multi-national families and learning about the nuances of different cultures. it's alot like a finger foods sampler at a restaurant, except it's a sampling of cultures. in addition, because of my contractor work, i have more time to pursue other career opportunities and to broaden my scope of work, to make it interesting. i love how i can teach privately and have a private practice all from my home, with no administrative body to preside over me (well technically the chinese govt is supposed to preside over this too but it's easy to fly under the radar; if i get caught, there might be trouble but it's pretty low risk at this point.)
14. delivery service. in shanghai, anything and everything can be delivered and for cheap. i have completely exceeded my usage of delivery service in the last 8 mos i have been here than ever in my life. while that may make for lazy morbid obesity, it sure is nice to get your water, mail (picked up and delivered directly), beverages, groceries, household supplies, McD, breakfast, lunch and dinner delivered to your door, especially when it's super humid or freezing outside. there is even dry clean pick up service for clothing and carpet.
15. tea. what's this got to do with the price of tea in china? everything. tea is cheap, exotic, different, unique, earthy, plentiful, comes in bulk and strange shapes and from far away places, and damn good esp. on winter nights and served well with friends and strangers. while i am no tea connoisseur, i have quite the appetite for it, so i drink up! as a tea seller said to dkf and i, us foreigners don't know good tea from bad, but we know what we like!
Note: this list increases every time i have a new thought, which is like 3x a day.
1. bittorrent. this seriously rocks. everything at the tips of my fingers. well, almost everything. sorry artists and producers. :P
2. shanghai. this seriously does not rock. i have returned to the original mother land and have learned how much humans can actually ignore their humanity. i could go on about this but basically, this just isn't my cup o' tea. i have surveyed others who love this city about why they love it, thinking i might have overlooked some things somehow. maybe there's a secret, hidden, shanghai jewel somewhere. maybe there's a mystique i missed. regrettably, despite the multi-nationalism and raw and brutal chinese culture, it just about ends there. i came, i saw, and i did not conquer. go genghis khan! at least i got to see a few cool cities in china as well as in neighboring countries. i plan to continue this til i leave, fo sho!
3. me. i learned that i am capable of some evil evil things. i hope to change this forever and ever. i believe i have buddha's blessing. Oh, and Om Mani Padme Hum too.
4. friendships. good friends are hard to make, great ones are even harder. no matter how sociable you are, where you live, or how many different people you meet, finding true friends is damn difficult business.
5. dkf. i have discovered this time and time again but seem to always take it for granted. i have peered into the kindest and most caring spirit, and that is dkf. 2009 taught me that the good spirit of dkf is unfaltering, despite the mishaps we had this year. thank you.
6. children. children are brilliant, creative, innovative, insightful, intelligent, resilient, spirited, and purely amazing. even the ones with disabilities blow my mind, in fact, particularly the ones with disabilities. thank you for renewing my hope for humanity when i look into your eyes and test your IQs.
7. chinese people. i now know that the more i know about my fellow peoples, the less i really do. i realized how much more different we were than similar. we may speak the same language (sometimes) and hail from the same race, but that's about it. thank you for teaching me that. and as much as i would like there will never be a reconciliation on that front. i also understand where my family comes from and why certain beliefs and habits run deep. sadly, i have adopted some of them too. i have also recognized them bred deep within me from before birth. i admire the same traits i detest.
8. ABCs. yah i really do think ABC's are "coo," at least cooler than locals or full on foreigners. we understand what it feels like to not understand. we have one foot out each door and it drives us nuts. we recognize in the local chinese the same traits our parents have but also know that is the source of much misunderstanding and incommensurability. we think we understand chinese culture but we really don't. we think we're american, but americans disagree. we are torn between 2 worlds and that has become our personal world. our parents don't get why we're so american and americans ask us about the weird chinese food we eat. we can't speak perfect chinese no matter how hard we try or how many chinese classes we take or how many years we study abroad in beijing. despite this, local chinese expect us to speak perfect chinese. and when we don't, they think we're stupid or not nationalistic enough or our parents didn't teach us right. we speak perfect english but some people assume we can't truly understand american culture as well as a "real" american does. this is especially the case with my american clients. we feel discriminated against. we are not as exotic as other foreigners but we're not as native as the locals. but we're "coo" and we can spot one another easy. we're like laidback chinese people, decked out in U.S. fashion, hang out with foreign friends, speak our chinese with an easy american twang and miraculous perfect english comes out of our mouths. we know we are caught between a rock and a hard place but we're cool like that and settle in quite nicely. we know our parents wish we could read and write and speak chinese better, and want us to adopt more chinese traditions and teach our children chinese so they can communicate with them and the culture won't be lost. there aren't too many ABC's here in shanghai. i know of 4 others. if their experience is anything like mine, they love it for the same reasons they hate it.
9. my mother. as difficult as she can be, i know she loves me. this i discovered this year...again.
10. chinese food. i thought i loved this stuff, couldn't live without it, no matter who cooked it and where it came from, but i now know i am wrong. i actually don't care much for it anymore. at first i thought i loved chinese food, then after coming here, i realized i only loved my gramma's cooking. :) i sure miss it.
11. relatives. this the year of my taiwanese relatives. beware thy relatives, esp. ones you have not seen in a long long time and assume they miss you as much as you miss them. my dad's side of the family was AWESOME though. it was a bittersweet reunion, discovering my 17 year MIA relatives in taiwan. all in all, i am glad i connected with them again and saw my old childhood/grandpa's home so many years later. it's always neat to see the place where so many baby photographs were taken.
12. international life. it's quite an experience, not having the usual comforts of home. you realize how well you can adapt but also how much you strive to re-create what you were used to at home. you are willing to pay more to get items that merely approximate what you're used to. you are willing to pay more to shop or eat at places that might carry stuff that resembles native goods. but at the end of the day, it isn't home and the stuff will never be the real deal. you learn how much you can tolerate certain things and how after awhile, you don't even notice it anymore. you adopt habits you would never dream of doing back home and dismiss social etiquette that would get you ostracized back home. you pay inflated prices for cheap beer and burgers. you lose your native language fluency including grammar and diction and syntax to acclimate to local english. i realized there were things i could live with, but certain things i could not. and i had to ask others to bring them back to china for me or send dkf back with a long list of must-buy goods. floss, tampons, organic lotions, bras, soap, electronics, Q-tips are just some items i either am US-specific or have a hard time being China-specific about. i would recommend everyone live internationally at least once. it's good to get out of that comfort zone at least once in your life.
13. contractor work. i absolutely love it and will have the hardest time going back to a full time 9-5 job with a boss hanging over my shoulder in an office. in fact, i intend to avoid that again if i can help it. i enjoy working from home, making my own hours, having someone arrange my schedule and do the dirty work, postponing appointments, blocking out my schedule and taking vacation whenever the hell i want, and getting paid for every hour of my time. the best part is making as much money as i would as a full-timer! in addition to the ideal type of work set up, i actually really enjoy what i do. i love working with multi-national families and learning about the nuances of different cultures. it's alot like a finger foods sampler at a restaurant, except it's a sampling of cultures. in addition, because of my contractor work, i have more time to pursue other career opportunities and to broaden my scope of work, to make it interesting. i love how i can teach privately and have a private practice all from my home, with no administrative body to preside over me (well technically the chinese govt is supposed to preside over this too but it's easy to fly under the radar; if i get caught, there might be trouble but it's pretty low risk at this point.)
14. delivery service. in shanghai, anything and everything can be delivered and for cheap. i have completely exceeded my usage of delivery service in the last 8 mos i have been here than ever in my life. while that may make for lazy morbid obesity, it sure is nice to get your water, mail (picked up and delivered directly), beverages, groceries, household supplies, McD, breakfast, lunch and dinner delivered to your door, especially when it's super humid or freezing outside. there is even dry clean pick up service for clothing and carpet.
15. tea. what's this got to do with the price of tea in china? everything. tea is cheap, exotic, different, unique, earthy, plentiful, comes in bulk and strange shapes and from far away places, and damn good esp. on winter nights and served well with friends and strangers. while i am no tea connoisseur, i have quite the appetite for it, so i drink up! as a tea seller said to dkf and i, us foreigners don't know good tea from bad, but we know what we like!
The sun'll come out tomorrow...
such a ham s/he was!
i love you my little orphans. i enjoyed hugging, kissing, squeezing and whispering in your ear how cute you are and how much i love you. :)i saw a lot of new infants today on 3rd fl. that always makes me sad. i wonder where they come from and always, how parents could leave their children here. i saw many of the ones i had played with before. they have grown up. a few of them migrated to the room over, where slightly older kids were, ones that could run around. it was nice to see them with their new found freedom. i snuck upstairs b/c i missed my little Cornelia and found him!! he was still adorable as ever and i nearly ate him b/c he was incr"edibly" adorable! he was still strolling around the room entertaining himself, playing with whatever he could find. i hugged and squeezed him so tight and so much, he musta thought i was crazy! and i was, i was crazy 'bout him!! a few of them wouldn't stop crying but they weren't hungry b/c they were already fed. they were warmly dressed so they weren't cold. perhaps they did not feel well, were wet, or just felt sad? i tried my best to touch them and comfort them. on the bottom floor, i was happy to see that they had many books, most of which were torn, and some stuffed animals. the children loved the books. one volunteer gave then all Dove chocolates and they were so happy, chocolate was dripping down their little mouths! on the wall, there were two 2010 calendars with photos of each child holding the 2010 SH expo mascot the Haibao. that was nice. i did not see the older girl i had seen last time who had lived with the police department and was quite happy about that. i imagine she had found a better home somewhere.
The song TOMORROW from Annie is perfect for my little orphans. It was rainy and cold today, and I reassured them with my love that the sun will come out tomorrow (cuz it can't rain forever!) and they can bet their bottom Yuan it will!
The sun'll come out tomorrow
Bet your bottom yuan
That tomorrow
There'll be sun!
Just thinkin' about
Tomorrow
Clears away the cobwebs,
And the sorrow
'Til there's none!
When I'm stuck in a day
That's gray,
And lonely,
I just stick out my chin
And Grin,
And Say,
Oh!
The sun'll come out
Tomorrow
So ya gotta hang on
'Til tomorrow
Come what may
Tomorrow! Tomorrow!
I love ya Tomorrow!
You're always
A day
A way!
1.09.2010
Farewell Shabu party!
we celebrate, grieve, commemorate, say our hellos and our goodbyes by eating. this time, it's dkf's going away party at his fave restaurant in town, Gokohai, all you eat Shabu Shabu! i miss him already. :(
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