A poem for my orphans.

yay! i got a spot to see my orphans again this weekend! they are going to get so tired of me snapping fotos of their cute little selves!! my last visit a couple weekends ago was a special one for the orphans. they got to run around outside around the complex the orphanage is in and breathe in the fresh air. they got to run amok and be children! one of the kids got lost but we found her. another one, the brightest of the bunch, finds her own way around and we weren't worried about her. i learned that there were two kids in there whose family comes to visit them weekly. not all of them are special needs kids. one child who had a flattened head was counting to 100 very proudly for all to hear. she also took a neighborhood child's water bottle and he was quite upset about it!! it was sorta funny but the neighborhood child's gramma told him, "just let her have it. she's got no daddy or mommy!!" what a guilt trip to put on a small child! during the day, they have a teacher who teaches them in a makeshift school. most of the kids look smaller than their actual age. i was sad watching the workers be quite rough with the kids. a small baby threw up and i alerted the worker. they said the child was tied down on all four limbs because he/she threw up alot. it just broke my heart. it was so hot in there and when we tried to turn on the fan, the worker said to turn it off b/c the kids get sick. it was a joy feeding the kids at dinner time. my fave part was when i would pick each of them up and then the other kids lined up and walked towards me with their arms open b/c they wanted to be picked up too! some were quite heavy too! i had enough love for each one of them. i especially adored a small child who had Cornelia de Lange syndrome--those kids are rare and adorable. another sad thing we saw was when we were coming back from outdoor play, we saw a teenager prone on the ground just outside the entrance who was then dragged in by guards and workers and taken away, probably the 2nd floor. he looked so depressed and sad. mind you, the gates are locked, and i have never seen a living soul on the 2nd floor. there is a huge padlock on the entrance gate of the 2nd fl. my theory is they lock them up there until they are adults then are entered into the military or a countryside work camp. the BEAN president said they are transferred to an adult home afterwards. i guess we shall never know. i would love to follow the children from while they are in the orphanage to after they leave to hear the real story. i have a feeling it will be a very sad story. here's a poem i wrote for my orphans.

i love you boys and girls
even if i don't know you
you touch my heart
this much is so true.
i look forward to seeing you
once every 30 days
you make my heart smile
in so many countless ways.
i hope my love means something
it is the most priceless gift i can give
may each day be wonderful
and the fullest you may live.

MIA.

i haven't updated my blog for awhile now mostly because i've been busy but partly because i've been uninspired. and also because since i've figured out how to upload pictures on facebook more efficiently, i don't feel like uploading them twice if i do it on here too.

work has been picking up, alot. i am always at least 2 reports behind, at any given time. i am now teaching Applied Psychology to a small-group of students in my home. i never knew preparing for a class takes SO much time. i will be training new volunteers for Lifeline, the only crisis hotline here in Shanghai, and i have not begun to work on that at all. i inadvertently volunteered to be part of the marketing committee for SIMHA. i have enjoyed making a few new female friends here through D2H3, the drinking/running group that i am equally enjoying. since that is my only form of exercise, i am guilty of not being more active in that. and i have enjoyed seeing my orphans for the second time and hope to be more involved in BEAN's other events. oh and my ex and i decided to give it yet another go. and a relationship alone can take up a bit of time.

about the uninspired part. i started asking people who really loved shanghai what it was about this place they loved. it all came down to their experience of it. it was exciting, new, different, changing and a melting pot of cultures and local and expat activities. it had night life, it had day life. china is going through a metamorphosis of modernization and shanghai is the epi-center. one of my friends said, "there is no place else more exciting to be right now than shanghai." but the thing that inspired this question was one i had asked myself: "why wasn't i enjoying shanghai as much as others seemed to?" is it because i don't work for a company that pays for everything, including a driver, an ayi, rent, moving expenses, furniture renovation, utilities? well that could be part of it. could it be because i just don't have the right attitude? that's likely related. so how can i change my attitude so everything's exciting, fresh and new again, just like when i first moved here? could it be because the air quality is so bad, as is the tap water, food of any ethnic origin is mediocre at best, it's overpopulated so people are rude because they're cramped and fed up, the streets and facilities are generally dirty and unsanitary? when you leave shanghai for a while on vacation or work and you see how other cleaner, more peaceful and less polluted cities filled with gracious and genuine people are, it makes it really hard to come back and not think how much shanghai sorta sucks. i had that experience with qingdao, taiwan, japan and wuhan. maybe i need a vacation. maybe i need to move. but lately, i've been having some pretty bad "China days."

Pinky, are you pondering what i'm pondering?

do we fit?
what should i do?
should i be me
and you you?
a bit confusing
or so it seems
are we just friends
what does it all mean?
taking a break
without breaking
if this is a dream
it's time for awaking.

window shopping.

u can get a breeze and flick someone off at the same time!

love the wee wee!

cool art on stationary

Welcome to the French cafe. What can I serve you?

Taiyuan Lu-the street I live on.

the front gate

no nails were used to hold this dresser together. all interlocking pieces of wood only.

Here is my French cafe studio. The landlord said it is an old Spanish building. Either way, there is something quite charming about euro architecture.

funny things around the house!

the largest chinese calligraphy paintbrush i have ever seen!

i love rubber duckies, especially when they take on whole different personas!

aminals in the city!

saw a very cute and spiny baby frog trying its best to hop up the stair into the grass after a rainy day!

the largest catfish i had ever seen. i spotted it in an aquarium inside a seafood restaurant. that's just cruel!

there's asahi, in one of her favorite sleeping positions!

The Chinese say the darndest things!

So today, as I was strolling along the street, getting air and enjoying the Fall weather near my friends' house where I have been staying, I walked by a massage parlour. 48 rmb/an hour! I could not resist, as I always can't when there are cheap massage deals. I walked in and the masseuse, who I later learned happened to be a Chinese medicinal doctor, and has been doing this for 9 years, proceeded to work his magic. I do have to say, he was the first male masseuse I have had in Shanghai. Most masseuses are petite Chinese women with very strong hands who hail from very far away. So he started to point out my problem areas with precision and proceeded to educate me about where my chi flow and muscles and tendons and other terms I did not understand were not healthy, other problems I had, how I needed to exercise more, how he personally concocts an herbal remedy he can harvest only once a year that people in Japan regularly purchase from and consult with him about, how he makes house calls and most of his customers are regulars and Japanese, how I should come back and get not just a massage but probably a dose of his magic remedy, how all the stress and strain ends up on my hips (which is my problem area), how I probably sit at the computer too much, and the line of the day: Even though you are fat, people assume you are sturdy/hardy but you get tired and ill too. That's like a double whammy. Not only was he saying I was fat, he was saying I had poor stamina. Even if both were true, the Chinese do not bother to sugarcoat anything. They really say it like it is! I wasn't even offended, I actually just chuckled, probably because I am so used to it, growing up in a blunt Chinese family, where they tell cruel truths to your face on a daily basis. I also found it amusing how complete strangers seem to feel like they owe you the truth out of politeness. Anyway, his name was Number 18, as masseuses have no names, just numbers, sorta like a college student or prison inmate. It was a great massage. I am still up the air about whether I prefer a male or female masseuse. The women almost seemed to have stronger hands. I definitely enjoyed the Chinese medical education piece he offered, which was a first. I spent the rest of the afternoon exploring the streets of Changning, smiling at old people, middle-aged men and children, who seemed to be the 3 primary demographics around these parts. I was starving and had a hard time finding a local eatery, then settled on what I later learned was a chain restaurant, sat down, tried to order beef noodle soup which they didn't have, so settled on fried vermicelli and pork chop noodle soup. It was nice and oily too. I got my new house keys duplicated. I did some shopping in a local market, was followed around and outnumbered by store personnel, one of whom said she would bring my basket to the front but ended up kicking it there, purchased some goods for the week, then continued on my long neighborhood walk back home. Then I did laundry and hang dried my clothes while smelling a neighbor's BBQ. I do have to mention today the weather was unusually nice. It is definitely Autumn here in Shanghai. The air was crisp, the sun was the kind that lasted all afternoon, there was a gusty fresh cool wind blowing, leaves were rustling, the young and old and middle-aged were out playing cards and marjhong, doing taichi, stretching, strolling, smiling, shopping, and sneaking out without parental supervision. It was truly a nice day.

moped flashbacks.

it has been about 5 years since i have gotten on a moped. i genuinely forgot how fun it was! the last time i got on one of those things was in hawaii in '04 before i left for internship. in fact, i used to zip around town with my white moped til i got in an accident then sorta got PTSD from it. but i was fine riding on the back of one with my bf at the time. in china it's a whole different story. not only do you ride at your own risk, if u sit on the back of one, same story, in fact worse b/c u are not the commander of your ship! the streets were really empty today so it was a good day to ride for the first time in SH but we nearly hit a bicyclist who yelled at us for getting so close! the moped's battery was half dead so we were kinda cruising on neutral. now i want to get one again b/c they are relatively cheap here and so convenient to zip around town. the only issue is other vehicles really don't care if they hit you. sometimes it seems they see smaller objects on the road as bowling pins! plus is there moped insurance around here? and my health insurance sorta sucks. ride at your own risk!

Misadventures at Mandy's.

1. today i activated the smoke alarm because i could not figure out how to turn on the stove without only turning on the gas (with no ensuing fire) and nearly gassed both of us to death (me and asahi). so i used work papers to fan the smoke alarm so it would stop. thank god it did, b/c i would not know who to call. and i was finally able to use the stove.
2. for the life of me, i cannot figure out how to use the washing machine consistently. all the buttons are in chinese. i have used it three times already. the first 2 times it worked but today i went to check on my clothes and found it sitting in water and the machine off. so i pushed the same 4 buttons in different combos, heard the washer begin to drain out the water then felt my feet get wet. i looked down and saw that the water drained OUTSIDE of the washer. i let it do that then began pushing the buttons again to figure out which button SPINS the clothes. finally, non-sopping wet clothes.
3. asahi freaks out with the sound of firecrackers. it is National Holiday today but the celebration started yesterday. celebration meaning tons of firecrackers, lanterns, major streets closed, less traffic i might add, guards not at their shacks (esp. when you need them to open up gates). last night as i was walking her, she began freaking out. first she tried to pull me back towards home but she had not done no. 1 or 2 yet. so i walked her the other direction. i walked her around the block but when we got back into the complex, she started running really fast then suddenly darted off towards home but since she's stronger than i am, i lost hold of her leash. good thing she ran straight home and there were no cars. poor asahi. today she crawled under the dining room table when the firecrackers went off again.
4. asahi also puked up yellow bile today. i was rather worried and tried to comfort her. she seems OK now.
5. a few days ago, i was out much later than i anticipated. asahi had not been walked for 1o hours! what a horrible dog sitter i am! thank goodness mandy's neighbor was able to back me up. i felt awful about the whole thing. asahi was SO happy to see me when i came home!
6. i forgot to get the house wi-fi password, a psych scoring program password, mandy's home address, and the location of xerox paper before mandy left. thank goodness i am able to connect with her via email. i so don't think of everything before someone leaves their house with me. with a little snooping, i was able to find some of the info!
7. momentary beer crisis: i could not find the beer opener and there were 2 Coronas in the fridge. after digging through many drawers, i found the wine bottle opener. whew!
8. i still don't know where the pepper and scissors are.
9. i did figure out how to turn on the TV and the pirated satellite (although i was given instructions before they left, i am techno-tarded). there were a couple times the screen wanted me to enter some password but i just pushed a bunch of buttons til it went away. it is so nice to be able to watch English channels! i didn't touch the other 2 remotes b/c i don't want to mess anything up.
1o. i enjoyed a nice massage yesterday with a friend down the street. i have enjoyed 2 nice meals down the street as well. basically, where i am staying is loaded with great eateries and massage parlours within a 3 minute walk.
11. the people who live in this complex are afraid of big dogs. i tried to reassure the woman who darted into our building after seeing asahi approach that she does not bite but she looked so fearful as she hid behind a wall. even when we walk along the street, people go out of their way to walk as far as away as possible from asahi. i never understood that cuz i just love canines so much. the guard however, likes her, even though she didn't seem all too interested in him.
12. it has been a long time since i've picked up dog poo. still warm and squishy. :P
13. the inside of the fridge smells like something might be rotten. but i don't want to toss anything they might want. so i'll let the ayi take care of it. :P
14. they might be back a day early due to the typhoons. hopefully this place will still be in one piece!
15. 6 puddles of puke!!